How Our Children Can Heal Us

How Our Children Can Heal Us

Mirror One Wanting Your Attention

This is the start of a brand new series of blogs alerting us to the hidden messages and golden opportunities for growth that can be found beneath the surface of our children’s, sometimes, undesirable behaviour. Behaviour is just behaviour, it is us who attach the meaning of “good” and “bad” to it. Their good behaviour makes us feel good whilst their bad behaviour makes us feel bad.

When we feel bad we usually want them to change, worse still we expect them to change. We try all sorts of methods from the softly softly approach of reasoning to punitive methods such as yelling, threatening and even manhandling. None of these work, yet time and time again we find ourselves responding in these ways. What we are missing is an insight into what is actually happening.

It is very normal for kids to throw tantrums, to be stubborn, to seek our attention, to fight, to answer back etc. These are all expressions of what is going on inside of them. When we are feeling balanced, as parents, we can usually handle these behaviours in cool and calm ways. Yet there are times, and certain behaviours that have our heart racing, twist our gut and make our blood boil. We can’t always help this reaction there doesn’t always seem to be a thought process taking place between our children and our response to them.

Our reactions in those moments come from a very young part of us, usually a part that felt powerless or unworthy. These reactions in us are the result of an unmet need that we continuously leave to be unmet. The best way for me to explain this is to launch straight into Mirror One I want your attention!

I found myself collapsing on the sofa exhausted, cup of tea in hand, ready for a 10-minute break when my little girl stood in front of me and went on to prance, dance, sing and jive, hustling and bustling around in a fancy dress outfit. I was desperate for a bit of peace so that I could hear my thoughts for a moment and found myself raising my voice demanding that she stop.

It was then that I realised. I could see the situation clearly. My little girl is eager for my attention. Was my inner child needing my attention too? Because when we are allowing our inner child to play we love watching our little ones having fun and making a mess. I realised that I’d been denying my inner child some fun and creative expression and I treat my own inner little girl in a similar way to how I’d just treated my child.

Insights are fine but we must act on them if we want to change anything. So, if you feel your tolerance levels are declining around your children what can you do today to bring more fun your way? Paint, draw, dance or even better get on the floor for some rough and tumble. Laugher heals the soul and allows the inner child to express himself.